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Бухгалтерия Гусарского Клуба

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Рассказы у камина, Тур 2
TPU KAPTbI, TPU KAPTbI, TPU KAPTbI!

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |

12. BOEHKOM 1 МЕСТО! 1 п/п (4.221)

CEKPET CTAPYXU.

3E/\EHOE CYKHO, BECb MUP B A3APTE!
OH B CTOPOHE CTOUT B KOTOPbIU PA3.
HO BOT, HA TPOUKE, HA 3ABETHOU KAPTE
KOTE/\ CPbIBAET -- BECb, KAK HA 3AKA3!

OH CHOBA CTABUT -- HA CEMEPKY KPECTU,
KAK OCTP MOMEHT! B MUHYTY 3A/\ 3ATUX.
CEMEPKA ECTb! U MACTb, U KAPTA -- BMECTE!
YPA! U TOCT -- 3A CME/\bIX U /\UXUX!

KAK, CHOBA CTABUTb? HET, OCTbIHb OT CTPACTU!
OCTAHOBUCb, HE CTOUT PUCKOBATb!
KOBAPEH POK, XUTPbI KAK 3BEPU MACTU!
BHOBb 3AMAHUB -- COBPYT, HE MUHOBATb!

HET, TY3 B PYKE. HY, BbIBO3U, BE3YXA!
U BOT OH, BOT! HO KAPTA... KAK? HE TA?!
C KAPTUHKU CMOTPUT MEP3OCTHO CTAPYXA
U CMEPTb CAMA KPUBUT EE YCTA.

5. PARADOX 2 МЕСТО! 2 п/п (4.0474)

CTUXOTBOPHbIE MOTUBbI HA MY3bIKY HECPABHEHHbIX TEKCTOB KYMUPA POCCUU

BUCTYEM. BO PTY CTAHET CYXO -
HAPYMOB BUHA HAM HECET.
K PACCBETY PACCKA3 O CTAPYXE
HAKPYTUT HAM BHYK EE, MOT.
U BOT OTKPOBEHUE CTAPTA,
POMAHTUK BHE PAMOK U Y3.
TPU KAPTbI, TPU KAPTbI, TPU KAPTbI -
TPOUKA, CEMEPKA U TY3 !

OH CTAHET KPYTbIM U KOBAPHbIM,
CTUXAMU B KOHBEPTE CPA3UT ...
CMYTUB /\U3ABETY UBAHOBHY,
CTAPYXE HAHOCUT BU3UT.
HU 3BYKA. 3AMPET U BOCKPECHET,
PUCKOBOMY POKY OTKPbIT,
CTAPYXY B BO/\bTEPOBbIX KPEC/\AX
CMEPTE/\bHbIM KYPKOM YKPOTUT.
U CHOBA B PACCBETHOM TYMAHE
HEBUHHA, KAK BEPA C BbICOT,
EMY /\U3ABETA UBAHHA
OTKPOET 3ACOBbI BOPOT ...
HET, OH HE 3HAMEHUE CMEPTU,
3BEHUTE, CTAKAHbI BUHA !
"O, BEPbTE MHE, BEPbTE MHE, BEPbTE !...
HO KTO TAM CTOUT Y OKHA ?"
CBETAET, HO CTPACTU OTPABA
BECb COH OTMETAET HA HET.
CTAPYXA, OTPUHYB CBOU CABAH,
TPEX KAPT PACKPbIBAET CEKPET.
HA3ABTPA, B KOPOHE 3AKATA,
KOH COPBAH - MOTAUTE HA YC !
TPU KAPTbI, TPU KAPTbI, TPU KAPTbI -
TPOUKA, CEMEPKA U TY3 !

U HETY EMY YKOPU3HbI,
XOTb CTYKA B BUCKAX HE CHECTU,
HO PAHO OTMEPUBATb TPU3HY -
CTAPYXA XUTPA OTOMCTUTb.
HY, BOT OHU, CKOPO, KAPATbI -
YTPOEHbI CTABKU Y HAC.
TPU KAPTbI, TPU KAPTbI, TPU KAPTbI -
TPOUKA, CEMEPKA ...
ATAC !

10. PARADOX 3 МЕСТО! 3 п/п (4.047)

T P U C E C T P bI

PYCCKUM BCEX CTPAH ...

C HEUCTOBbIM BETPOM A3APTA
BO BCE KOHTUHEHTbI BOPBYCb.
TPU KAPTbI, TPU KAPTbI, TPU KAPTbI -
U3PAU/\b, AMEPUKA, PYCb !

O, HETPUBUA/\bHOE TPUO !
O, TPU CBOEHPABHbIX CECTPbI !
OT BEKA BbI BMECTE HE3PUMO
CKBO3b MYKU, KPECTbI U KOCTPbI.
KPOBABbIM TEPPOPOM U3PAHEH,
HO CMEX, A HE CTPAX - TBOU YCTAB,
TbI - HOMEP HA KAPTE, U3PAU/\b,
TbI - CUMBO/\ Y BCEX HA YCTAX !

YMOM HE CXBATUTb, HE U3MEPUTb
POCCUU OCHOB KOPEHHbIX.
U BEPUTb B HEE, TO/\bKO BEPUTb -
U HET BAPUAHTOB UHbIX !

YCTAB OT 3AMOPCKUX AMEPUK,
YKOPOM KO BCEM BPEMEHAM
BEPHYCb, XOTb HUKTO U HE BEPUT,
K MOCKOBCKUM MOUM TEPEMAM.

U MAUCKUM BECEHHUM PACKATAM
CTO3BOHHbIM CTUXOM OT3OBYCb.
TPU KAPTbI, TPU KAPTbI, TPU KAPTbI -
CBET CTAPbIU, CBET HOBbIU U PYCb !

6. Herr Monsky 4 п/п (3.8682)

BOT BbI BCE TAPAXTUTE: TPU KAPTbI, TPU KAPTbI, TPOUKA, CEMEPKA, TY3..., CTAPYXA...
MYPA!
BOT Y HAC B POTE UHTEPECHEE UCTOPUU ECTb.
KCTATU! U O TPEX KAPTAX ECTb!
KAK-TO PA3 BbI3bIBAET HAC TPOUX POTMUCTP MYXOMOPOB U KAK 3AOPET:
- BETEPAHbI!
(A MbI BCE KOPHETbI! C YTPA HE BAPUT Y CTAPUKA KOTE/\OK-TO)
BPEMEHU HET! CAMUPAU XOTb U MPYT KAK MYXU, HO B ATAKY PBYT KAK 3BEPU.
BOT BAM TPU KAPTbI MECTHOCTU (OT CYBOPOBA!), OTBE3UTE UX B MYXOBKY - TAHKUCTAM, B PbIKOBKY - KABA/\EPUCTAM, U B POMAHOBKY - CTAPTEPAM... HET, HE CTAPTEPAM... HY KAK UX TAM? MUHbI Y KOTOPbIX. BOT. CPOKY - TPU MUHYTbI.
HY, MbI HA KOHEU U B TABEPHY: HE OTMETUTb TAKOE - HY HUKAK. 3A CYBOPOBA - PA3, 3A POTMUCTPA - ..., 3A HAC - TPU, 3A MYXOBKY, 3A PbIKOBKY, 3A POMAHOBKY...EXATb-TO TPU BEPCTbI, HY U...

YTPOM CMOTPUM - A MbI Y CAMYPAEB! KAK YXBATU/\UCb OHU 3A HAC - CTPAX!
"KTO TAKUE? KAKUE-TAKUE KAPTbI? CYKU! 3AMYPYEM!"
A MbI HU XPEHA HE PACCKA3bIBAEM. C YTPA-TO CAMU 3HAETE KAK: BEPMYT, BUHO, MYXOBKA, PbIKOBKA, POMAHOBKA... U BCE!

HY, OHU C KOPHETCKUX PACCKA3OB U OXY... [BbIPE3AHO TOPMO3OM] XBATb KAPTbI - U B ATAKY!
KOHHbIX B MYXOBKY - A TAM TAHKU! APTU/\/\EPUCTOB B PbIKOBKY - A TAM - KOHHbIE, CAMYPAEB B POMAHOBKY - A TAM MUHbI!
KPUKU, CTOHbI, KOHU, KPOBb, MPAK. PACCKA3bIBATb - BPEMEHU HE XBATUT.

KOPOTKO - XPEH UM, A HAM - HU XPEHA!

C TEX BPEMEH Y CYBOPOBA O HAC MHEHUE: XPOHbI, HO KAKUE XPOHbI! PYCCKUM BOUHAM C BUHOM HA BCE HACPATb: CAMYPAU, TATAPbI, TYPKU...
OHU C HUM HA BCE MACTEPA: CTAKAH BEPMYTA - U MEPTBbIE BAXTY HECYT!CTAKAH POMY - U BCEM XAHA!

3A BAC! 3A BCEX HAC!

A BbI BCE: TPU KAPTbI, TPU KAPTbI... BOT BAM U TPU KAPTbI!

9. Nevstruev 5 п/п (3.863)

3HATb, BEPHO CKA3AHO - BECb MUP KAK KA3UHO!
BO BCE BEKA META/\U KAPTbI HA CYKHO,
HO HE COPBATb HAM KOH, U HE BEPHYTb HAM CTABKU:
CTAPYXA CMEPTb BO3bMET UX BCE PABHO.

2. benMoshe 6 п/п (3.724)

KAK KA3AKU HA BOCbMEPUKE BUCTOBA/\U.

CHOBA CE/\U MbI B KAPTbI, U TYPUCT TOT, ATAMAHOM HA MU3EPE TPAXHYTbIU,
BOCbMEPUK 3AKA3bIBAET, B KPECTY. ATAMAH BUCTYET, U MHE 3HAKAMU -BUCTYU, KA3AK, HE TPYCb! A MHE BUCTOBATb - HUKAK, U HE BUCTOBATb - HUKAK, ATAMAH BCE-TAKU. HY, TAK-PACTAK, BUCTYEM BMECTE. A OH KAPT-TO HE 3HAET!
A MbI-TO UX, 3HAMO, METUM 3APAHEE! OH - B BUHU, A TAM - CTEHKA HA CTEHKY!
XEPAK, XEPAK - U OH CE/\. A KAK - HE 3HAET. HE COCET, 3APA3A, OTKE/\b Y
ATAMAHA TY3 KO3bIPHbIU? BECTUMO - C MU3EPA Y ATAMAHA TU3UK TOT B PYKABE 3AXOBAH!
TAK U PACKPYTU/\U TYPUCTA COTEH HA CEMb-BOCEMb.

4. Metz 7 п/п (3.692)

HE KAPTbI, CMEX.
KAK CEKC C PYKOU,
KAK XEP C 3AHO3OU,
CAM HE CBOU.

C TY3OM B PYKE,
HO HE KO3bIPHbIM.
YBbI, HO MPA3b TY3A BO3bMET.
CEMEPKA KO3bIPb
U CO CBUCTOM
TY3 OT/\ETE/\ KAK CAMO/\ET

MHE KAPTY B MACTb,
HO XEP TAM HAM,
3A3OPHO PACCKA3ATb KOMY.
BO3bMET KOPHET,
U MHE OCTABUT
CMEX CKBO3b C/\E3Y U MATA TbMY

KOMY-TO KAPTbI,
A UHOMY...
"3PU B KOPEHb" - TAK CKA3A/\ KO3bMA.
TO HE UCCKYCCTBO,
HE HAYKA,
MAPA3M!
HET, OHAHU3M YMA.

3. benMoshe 8 п/п (3.692)

KAK KA3AKU HA KPACHOE CTABU/\U

ATAMAH Y HAC - HA BCE PYKU MACTEP. OH U B KAPTbI AC, U B PY/\ETKY HUKTO EMY HE KOHKYPEHT.
KAK-TO PA3 B KA3UHO CTABUM MbI CTABKU. HY, U3BECTHO -- PA3 B KA3UHO, TO CTABb, A TO BbIKUHYT HA XPEH. A HA KAKOU HOMEP CTABUTb -- HE 3HAEM.

U TYT TOT CYKA, KOTOPbIU KPYTUT TAM BCE, TUXO TAK CKA3bIBAET, KAK HE HAM: "CTABbTE HA KPACHOE". U 3ATUX, 3APA3A. KPYTO, A? HY, MbI U CTABUM HA KPACHOE BCE CBOU KPOBHbIE - A3APT!
A ATAMAH HA 3EPO TAK CMOTPUT BHUMATE/\bHO, U TUXOHbKO CTABKY PYKABOM CBOUM, HA 3EPO, HA 3EPO. U PEBO/\bBEP U3 KAPMAHA BbIHUMAET...
B PE3Y/\bTATE, ECTECTBEHHO, 3EPO - A TO KAK? BOT TAK-TO.
A BbI BCE - TEOPETUKU, HUKTO U3 BAC TAK HE CYMEET, HUKTO !

11. Smirnoff-Vodkin 9 п/п (3.518)

"CKOPO 12.00 A.M., A XEPMAHHA BCE HET" - CHOBA CTPACTHO BCKPUKUBAET KPACOTKA.
YBbI U AX, BCYE CTEHAHUE EE - B KA3UHO PACTPATUT OH KOPOTKUU BEK CBOU.
HE CEKC, HE BUHO, HE PA3BPAT, HE HAPKOTA CMYTU/\U YM EMY - CTPACTb K KAPTAM.
O, A3APT!
O, CTPACTb K COKPOBEHHOMY!
O, TAUHbI 3HAKOB U CUMBO/\OB!
CEKPETHOE 3HAHUE U 3AKOHOMEPHOCTb CTPYH MUPA B KAPTAX PACKPbITb MHUT OH, KAK HbIHE UHbIE XAKEPbI - B UHTEPHETE.
MPAK, MOPO3, CBUCT BETPA 3A OKHOM KA3UHO. PACCKA3Y CTAPYXU HE YTUXHYTb B YME POMAHTUKA: "TPU KAPTbI, TPU KAPTbI..."
U CTPAHHOE 3PUT OH HETPE3BbIM OKOM. C/\OBHO HE KA3UHO OKPECT, A XPAM TYTAHXAMOHA, U HE MAPKU3bI U KOKETKU Y CTO/\OB - MACOHbI B MACKAX, U HE TY3bI U BOCbMEPKU B PYKAX UX - KAPTbI TAPO, U HE BUHO B CTAKAHE, A HE TO OTPABA, HE TO KPOBb XPUCTUAHCKUX...
MAPA3M!
XBATUT!

METHYB CTAKAH O CTEHY C PA3MAXY, BCTAET U YBEPEHHO TACYET KAPTbI.

HE 3HAET OH O KOBAPCTBE CTAPYXU.
TPOUKA, CEMEPKA...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

(3ATEMHEHUE. 3AHABEC.)

1. benMoshe 10 п/п (3.498)

TPU PACCKA3A O KA3AKAX U UX ATAMAHE (MY/\bTUKU)

1. KAK KA3AKU MU3EP /\OBU/\U.

CEB 3A KAPTbI, KA3AKU CKA3A/\U:

HE MACTEPA MbI, YBbI, HO KOE-KAK PA3YMEEM. A ATAMAH - TAK TOT COBCEM AC.
A TYT, BOT CYKA, TAK HEKCTATU, MU3EP /\OBUTb, C BOCbMEPKOU. A KAK - HUKTO HE 3HAET. U TAK KAPTbI KUHYT, U TAK - HY HUKAK HE CYHYTb. TAKOE HEBE3EHUE,
TY3A HE CHECTU! PA3BE B PYKAB 3ATAPUTb? U BOT CTAPbIU ATAMAH KA3AKOB TY3UKA U 3AHbIKA/\, TUXO TAK, KAK KPbICA. MACTAK OH HA TAKOE, ATAMAH.
U KPAHTbI MU3EPY. ECTb TPU B KPECTY! BUBAT ATAMAHY!

8. Zhuj-Malosol'nyj 11 п/п (3.479)

...CE/\ KAK-TO C HAMU CTATCKUU COBETHUK CYXOCTOEB. CPABHUTb C HAMU - OH CbIHOK. A MbI C KOPHETOM HOCOBbIM TEPTbIE, HOCOB - TAK HA BCE PYKU
MACTEP.
TO/\bKO OTKPbIT/\ CBOU KAPTbI, KPUK CYXOCTOEBA - "MU3EP!!!" KOMY - MU3EP, A KOMY - CTO XYEB B CPAKY. C MOUMU-TO KAPTAMU U TOTYC 3AKA3ATb HE COBECTHO, HY U XPEH C HUM - MU3EP TAK MU3EP. MbI C HOCOBbIM HE CCbIM.
A Y CYXOCTOEBA CEMEPOK-TO U HET, XOTb YXO B HOC 3ACYHb. U TY3A HE 3AXOTE/\ CHECTU. OH BOCbMEPKOU BbIHEC Y HAC TY3A - TYT MbI EMY OTBET B TY CAMY MACTb. U OTCOCA/\ CYXOCTOEB BOCEMb . OH XBATb CO CTEHbI KOPTUK - "AX BbI CYKU". CTPAHHbIU KAKOU-TO. A YMEP TUXO.

7. Cemen 12 п/п (2.985)

XOTb UCTUH CEKCYA/\bHbIX HE Y3HA/\U
3ATO BbICOKOE UCCKYCTBO KAPT Y3HA/\U
U EC/\U B PYKABE ECTb TY3
HA BCEX HEBECT PA3BPATA MbI HACPA/\U

СПИСОК ПРОГОЛОСОВАВШИХ

1. Katz (romm[_@_]tochna.technion.ac.il)
2. Smirnoff-Vodkin (vladimir[_@_]chinook.physics.utoronto.ca)
3. Pots (ksleskov[_@_]students.wisc.edu)
4. Propojca (asovk[_@_]uaa.alaska.edu)
5. Gotovchenko (pentium[_@_]pobox.com)
6. fon Prikoll (ingwall[_@_]gis.net)
7. BOEHKOM (sure[_@_]ks.uiuc.edu)
8. benMoshe (eli[_@_]nerve.ls.huji.ac.il)
9. Mishka (msternbe[_@_]study.haifa.ac.il)
10. Zhuj-Malosol'nyj (mitya[_@_]amsd.com)
11. Londonskij (yes[_@_]doc.ic.ac.uk)
12. Metz (oleg[_@_]akm.infonet.ee)
13. Nevstruev (slava[_@_]eng.tau.ac.il)
14. Gryzhevskij (kolpakov[_@_]umich.edu)
15. Lopman (mgleibma[_@_]study.haifa.ac.il)
16. Dona Marina (mls23674[_@_]discovery.fhda.edu)
17. Vetrova (sqrtk[_@_]leland.stanford.edu)
18. KYKAPEKOB (artur[_@_]topol.stu.neva.ru)
19. Boston-Kievskij (mi[_@_]aldan.ziplink.net)
20. d'Axelrod (axelrod2[_@_]ix.netcom.com)
21. Grafomanov (alexb[_@_]math.upenn.edu)
22. Ispravnykh (kav[_@_]chem.wayne.edu)
23. Bernshtamkin (brenshta[_@_]bgumail.bgu.ac.il)
24. Moshka (michael[_@_]music.md.huji.ac.il)
25. Marquis d'Avy (davy[_@_]usa.net)
26. benAavrom (benaavrm[_@_]cyberspace.org)
27. Ahushiling (Shilin1[_@_]ibm.net)
28. Isaev fon Shtirlitz (lion[_@_]falcon.cc.ukans.edu)
29. Volobuev (radshun[_@_]bgumail.bgu.ac.il)
30. Zuzinskii (rjbc[_@_]ibch.siobc.ras.ru)
31. PARADOX (mccca12[_@_]research.haifa.ac.il)
32. Herr Monsky (prs_reco[_@_]netvision.net.il)
33. Estorov (c0387840[_@_]techst02.technion.ac.il)
34. Leman (dleontie[_@_]med.wayne.edu)
35. Graf Danilov (vdanilov[_@_]study.haifa.ac.il)
36. Platov (uchitelv[_@_]email.uah.edu)
37. o'Berny (aldo[_@_]mit.edu)
38. Kazak (kolia[_@_]druzba.ecosrv.msk.su)
39. Talesmanskij (c1052915[_@_]techst02.technion.ac.il)
40. Bukin (olleg[_@_]cs.technion.ac.il)
41. Bolkonskaya (mshkolni[_@_]goucher.edu)
42. Golohvastoff-Oblomskij (Borys.Nemyrovskiy[_@_]post.rwth-aachen.de)
43. Tarakanova (iak[_@_]unlinfo.unl.edu)
44. Bar-Glik (c0716791[_@_]t2.technion.ac.il)
45. Krik (bennye[_@_]taux01.nsc.com)
46. Vikentij Palych (vsafian[_@_]study.haifa.ac.il)
47. TAPOKOC (volya[_@_]cs.huji.ac.il)
48. Emigrant (emigrant[_@_]sharat.co.il)
49. Sniper (vberezni[_@_]study.haifa.ac.il)
50. Marshaal (v.tchistiakov[_@_]maht.utwente.nl)
51. Shapokljak (st000450[_@_]hrz1.hrz.th-darmstadt.de)
52. Sam Zain-Alekha (iboni[_@_]ksl.co.il)
53. Hacupetov (michael[_@_]tmx100.telrad.co.il)
54. Gosha Moskovskij (gosha[_@_]gla.apc.org)
55. Boss (oblomov[_@_]bigfoot.com)

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